Spiraling Suggestions for Profound Communication

Strive to Communicate in the present moment. Express how you feel emotionally and sensationally. Notice how those feelings relate to your needs.

Communicate with feelings and needs awareness. Give others empathy instead of advising or educating. Honor requests for information without promoting agendas.

Respect needs instead of using neediness to manipulate. Formulate specific requests if your needs are not being met. Express specific gratitude when your needs are getting met.

Patiently wait for profound things to arise in spaciousness. Become as comfortable as you can with silence. Refrain from filling empty space with ordinary conversation.

Notice when you are blaming, shaming or judging anyone. Welcome input from those who can see things you can’t. If something triggers you, acknowledge it. 

Share the impact gently, kindly, lovingly and truthfully if possible. It is also okay to feel angry. Express the real emotions that are hiding beneath your anger.

Patiently accept that it’s not possible to do this perfectly.

Deepening vs. Avoidance

It is possible to use advanced circling techniques to deepen a conversation and get at the heart of a matter. It is also possible to use circling as a way to keep conversations superficial, skirt the issues, delay progress, maintain the status quo, and avoid resolution of ongoing situations.

Spiraling favors deepening connections by acknowledging the benefit of avoiding pressing for a resolution too quickly. It is also committed to the quickest and most efficient progress toward the highest good of all concerned.

Gently approaching delicate issues to lay a foundation of trust in positive regard and make sure that someone is emotionally receptive to having a conversation is important. Dropping words like bombs just causes defensiveness that prevents resolution.

If, however, circling techniques are used to postpone and avoid resolution of difficult situations indefinitely ad infinitum, it means a spirit of collaboration to make sure everybody’s needs are getting met is missing. Such frustration can be resolved by Spiraling when a circle is placing greater emphasis on the acceptance of what is and a state of not knowing, than a concern for the well-being of all.

Spiraling acknowledges that acceptance of what is sometimes involves acceptance that something must change in order for everyone’s needs to be met.

A Pleasant Journey Home

Included among the many types of circling are Native American circling, Ground Crew circling, Group Therapy circling, European circling, Integral Center circling, Authentic World circling, and there are probably a myriad of other infinite variations on circling that I haven’t yet mentioned.  The one thing all kinds of circling have in common is that it leads people home. What I mean is that circling is a way to become more intimate with yourself and others by increasing personal awareness.

Spiraling is a specific kind of circling, inspired by Native American talking stick culture, and influenced by Compassionate Communication. It is an ever-expanding journey of self-responsibility that insures each cyclic rotation leads to greater peace, happiness, joy and fulfillment. Spiraling is Conscious Circling with a progressive collective purpose. It includes beneficial guidance, respect for genetic influence, and focuses on presence.

While remaining mindful that accepting everything just as it is without judgement is important, the intention of Spiraling is to make sure that the development of more effective communication skills can also take place efficiently for those who desire this. Without conscious intention, effort and focus, ordinary conversation during circling leads to a sense of shame arising. How to converse differently, and why it’s important to try, remains a mystery.  Spiraling solves the puzzle and minimizes the discomfort of circling, while easing and quickening the transition from traditional styles of communicating, to more impactful pro-active methods of interaction.

What you quickly notice, given the opportunity to circle with advanced practitioners, is how little interest there is in carrying on an ordinary conversation. Listening to people reminisce about the past, or speculate about the future, seems much less significant after you’ve had the privilege of sharing emotions and sensations with someone in the present moment. Conversing with people, who own their experience by honestly expressing what they need instead of shaming or blaming anyone, is heartwarming. And what a relief it is to know that nobody is going to try and educate you, give you some advice, convince you of anything, or sell you something, unless you have invited them to do so.

As you practice staying in the present moment without any judgment of others, you will likely start to notice people are more appreciative and inspired to extend themselves in ways that are meaningful to you. You may also notice that your desire to extend yourself in ways that are meaningful to others begins to grow as you associate with people who are accepting ownership of their personal experiences.

An interesting case in point is with the expression of victimhood. Whether or not the state exists, self-expression that ceases to shame and blame others will inspire collaborative effort to resolve such discomfort more quickly and peacefully than provocative words that stimulate defensiveness and provoke survival of the fittest behavior and attitudes.

A spirit of joyful playfulness arises in consciously compassionate communities that can even hold room for healing hearts that are full of rage and despair. When strength of emotion is allowed to express itself uninhibitedly, reverence and respect for the human condition blossoms into wisdom. It may seem odd or counter-intuitive for the motto of such endeavor to be “Don’t do anything that isn’t play,” given there are tremendous amounts of pain that need to be healed. Laying a foundation of transcendently undeniable trust forges eternal friendships when people rise to the challenge of integrating respect for self and others peacefully. This proves to be the midwife of unspeakable joy.

A possibility exists to experience the power of present moment awareness in a way that allows for anger to be held in the heart more lightly, enjoyably, and responsibly.  The more gratitude you can feel for all emotion, and the more permission you can grant to celebrate and express it, the more likely self-acceptance will be able to transform your personal experience. For anyone who has ever been encouraged to refrain from taking things so seriously, it is much easier to relax and let go in a community that you can trust.

“Good company in a journey makes the way seem shorter.”  Izaak Walton